At the age of 40, I learned I had breast cancer. With no family history and no other apparent risk factors, all I could think was, ”This is not happening!” As the weeks and months passed, however, things became all too real. I submerged myself in research, learning as much as possible about DCIS, the type of breast cancer I had, and carefully crafted a message to break the news to my young children, parents, family and friends.
Ironically, just a few months before my diagnosis, I had begun karate classes with my son. Unknowingly, with every punch, sit-up and kick, I was preparing myself for one of life’s most difficult battles -- cancer.
A late-afternoon surgery gave me way too much time to practice the key values of karate: Courage, Perseverance and Attitude. Never doubt that our individual attitudes and behavior affect those around us. Our families. Our co-workers. Our community. Attitudes and behaviors (good and bad) are, indeed, contagious. On the day of surgery, as I looked around the hospital waiting room at my family and close friends, it was the exchange of unspoken emotions that built the foundation of strength and courage upon which I went into surgery. Who knows, maybe the same attitude carried through to the medical team!
After surgery, I was placed in a private room, one of those instances where misery did not love company! They told me I would not be able to drive for a few weeks. And, they said I should plan on several months before resuming ”normal” activities. I was not certain whether normal included karate or using the computer (a daily part of my work life), but I was quite certain I should not partake in any type of activity that included dirty laundry, lizard or cockatiel cages, or other laborious chores -- which any reasonable person, if given the chance, would most certainly avoid.
In going through the initial phases of my breast cancer experience, I came to realize how delicate and uncertain life is. From one day to the next, one never knows what life may bring. I was also reminded how blessed I am to have such a supportive, caring, and loving group of family and friends.
I learned how critical it is to trust your instincts and listen to your body. Don’t delay going to the doctors, even for ”routine” or ”minor”ailments. As I discovered, knowing that something isn”t quite right and acting on that instinct can make a big difference.
I also came to understand that recovery is both a physical and emotional process. I believe that in the ”quiet of recovery“ (after the whirlwind of activity surrounding the detection and treatment of the cancer itself), my emotions finally caught up with the rest of me. While still positive and especially after hearing good news from the pathology report thatindicated that the surgery was successful in removing my cancer, very, very thankful, I realized that there weren’t any detours along the journey. I found the need to be patient and accept both my feelings and physical limitations for what they were at the moment. As one fellow breast cancer survivor instructed me, ”You have to take time to just be.”
The weeks after surgery were difficult for me. I was an active mother, wife, and busy professional and certainly not accustomed to sitting still. Meetings were conducted without me. Karate friends were promoted to higher belt levels. I recall sitting in class while watching my son. How dare life pass me by! How could life be so different for me yet so normal for everyone else?
Once given the okay by my doctor to resume more strenuous activities, I eased my way back into exercise. Still numb and swollen, I started with the treadmill and weight machines. Then, after several weeks, I received the go-ahead to begin karate classes. I worked closely with my instructors and, through a combination of personal and group classes, I progressed three belt levels. In the Fall of 2004, I participated in a sparring contest. Paired against women and men alike, I won third prize in the adult category! I vividly recall staring each of my opponents in the eyes during the different rounds and thinking ”You are nothing compared to cancer . . . if I can overcome that, I can defeat you.” Ironically in October (Breast Cancer awareness month) of 2007, I tested for and earned my Black Belt!
For me, and so many others, breast cancer has created a world of unknowns. What is it about my life that put me at risk? Will the cancer return? What about my other breast? Will my daughter have to fight the same battle? Although I cannot answer these questions, I do believe that if we all work together, we can win this fight.
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